Amanda Day 1 in Nashville

On behalf of Amanda, I wanted to give an update of her first day in the states.  She had a great trip from China.  The medical escort was wonderful and took away any stress that Amanda had.  She even slept 9 hours on the way from South Korea to Atlanta!  Amanda was very happy to arrive safely in Nashville and was able to talk, eat a good meal, and watch a little HGTV before heading to bed.

This morning her day began with a rigorous reading time with my youngest child.  I think Amanda almost became hoarse from reading aloud, but she really enjoyed it too. She already misses her babies fiercely, and her drive to see them again is her biggest motivation to fight this cancer.  She was able to eat a good breakfast and get a short nap in before heading to her visit at the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center.

Amanda and I were there four hours.  She met several amazing doctors and nurses who were in AWE of Amanda.  She was very open and comfortable with them, and had most of them in tears with her continually positive outlook on her illness.  It was agreed that Amanda will be admitted to the hospital in the morning so we can get the several things needed to be done completed in the shortest amount of time.

She will have a port-a-cath placed which will make any IV needs much easier to achieve.  Amanda will have CT scans to assess what has happened since her first chemotherapy round in China, and will also have a biopsy again to verify the diagnosis made in China.  She will meet with nutritionists and endocrine doctors to simplify her diabetes care plan, and will also see social work.  Amanda is eager to have this hospitalization started, and we hope to have her back at my house by Friday night or Saturday morning.

I have read all of your emails to her, and Facebook posts, and she loves them all.  Please keep them coming.  She is very tired and has very little energy after days like today to reply individually, but was very insistent that I send an update tonight. Amanda wants each of you to know that she is well.  She fell asleep about 8 pm tonight after hugs from  my little ones, and will hopefully sleep well most of the night.

The next few days will be very trying.  Please pray for Amanda, her spirit, and pray for the babies at Starfish.

Thank you all very much for your support and love.  She feels it so very much!

Starfish Update February 15!

Update on Amanda from Patrick McLaughlin, Starfish Board President
As of Wednesday Morning, February 15th, 2012 at 10am EST 

To all our Starfish friends,

* Thank you for all your prayers, concern, love and care for our Executive Director, Amanda.

I am happy to report that she is responding well to the chemotherapy and her pain management is under control. I have personally spoken with her several times and she is more alert and engaged than earlier. Amanda's oncology care is being continually reviewed by top physicians from Beijing and she will continue her chemotherapy treatments for another 3-4 weeks. As part of her therapy the women who are watching over her get her up three times daily for a walk. The direction of further treatment will depend on brain MRI test results and how well she continues to respond to the chemotherapy.

* A number of hospitals have offered various levels of service for Amanda's future treatment.

These have been noted and put on reserve until we see how things go with Amanda in the next few weeks. We appreciate all the efforts and outreach of so many. If you have a viable medical treatment or hospital offer that you feel the Board should add to our list of considerations, please e-mail cmklaja@yahoo.com. We ask that you vet the offer before coming to us. As you can imagine, we are inundated with e-mails -- and want to use our resources investigating solid leads that have an established connection with those running the operations of the medical center.

* The Starfish Foster Home is operating well.

We have sent an interim director, Patrick Belnap, to Starfish who will be arriving there today and will hit the ground running. He has worked closely with Amanda in the past and is very familiar with Starfish and its operations. We are confident that he will be a strong asset to the changing needs of Starfish at this time. Lawyers continue to engage all relevant authorities to stay on top of the fluid situation at Starfish.

* CARDS AND WELL WISHES TO AMANDA

Jeannie Butler, a very close friend to Amanda and major supporter of Starfish, is going to China to be with Amanda - she will leave on March 1st. If you would like to send Amanda well-wishes in the form of a card or letter, please send them to Jeannie Butler to be received Jeannie no later than February 27, 2012 :

Caring for China's Orphans
PO Box 210003
Nashville, TN
37221

We appreciate your kindness and support.

Sincere thanks, 
Patrick McLaughlin and the Starfish Board
917-494-7691
paddymac0130@gmail.com

Update from Starfish February 12

UPDATE FROM PATRICK MCLAUGHLIN - BOARD PRESIDENT of STARFISH As of 11am EST Sunday February 12, 2012 COMPASSION STATS I am starting today's update with what I call "the compassion stats" to add context to the outpouring of well-wishes received from across the globe to help Amanda: *Over $60,000 US donated in China at the hospital by Chinese citizens, officials and dignitaries that literally bring cash to the hospital and hand it to Amanda *$25,000+ US donated via our "Donate Now" website link in the past eight days. This money will be used to address any/all medical costs *160+ emails (of the 900+ that have hit my inbox) with recommendations to 22 specific hospitals/cancer centers willing to provide Amanda some form of care if needed. AMANDA's HEALTH Amanda is now into a full chemotherapy regimen that will continue for the next four weeks. The results of this 1st phase of treatment will be one of the key metrics used to determine if we stay the course in Xi'an or seek options elsewhere. Amanda's spirit certainly has been tested, but she remains upbeat and periodically treats the staff to one of her spicy "verbal bullets". This is music to the ears for all of us that have been on the receiving end of that personality trait. OPERATIONS AT THE FOSTER HOME Regarding the operations of the foster home I have much more clarity on what is happening and I am comforted by the news as detailed below: *Our lawyer has met with Amanda, the civil affairs department, and senior officials at the large orphanage that Starfish partners with for the foster home. These meetings can be viewed as "discovery" discussions to get all of us up to speed on the facts on the ground and, most importantly, to get aligned with all relevant local officials *Broadly speaking, both parties are aligned on the idea of "normal daily operations" of the foster home. The orphanage management has been very receptive to talking with us and has expressed a desire to help define operating procedures during Amanda's absence *Our lawyer spent time at the foster home meeting with our amazing staff and confirming that the kids are in good shape, the nanny staff was paid in full on Friday and the cupboards are well stocked. INTERIM LEADERSHIP IN XI'AN As I mentioned in my last post, I have asked Patrick Belnap (http://www.wix.com/patrickbelnap/home) to represent the foundation in Xi'an. To say that Patrick is qualified is truly an understatement as you will see when you follow the link above. He is fluent in Mandarin, has spent 6+ years in China, has family in Xi'an, has an educational pedigree well-suited to the situation and he knows Amanda very well. I think all of you would agree that we are very fortunate to have an asset like Patrick on the Starfish team to help us navigate our way through this situation. TWO VERY SPECIAL THANK YOU's There are a lot of people working day and night to make sure that we continue to trend in the positive direction. As you can imagine, this is a very complex situation to navigate. I want to particularly thank Maria Teresa Graells (known as "Maria P") at the foster home and Deborah Coffey, our director of communication. Both ladies have worked 24/7 and tirelessly since this situation occurred. Maria P has been running the operations of the Foster Home making sure nothing misses a beat. This is an enormous task especially given that she is a volunteer and has selflessly dived in. Deborah Coffey and her husband, Greg, have been indispensable in helping us gather, coalesce, and communicate information in a timely and accurate manner. Deborah is our Director of Communications and has brilliantly handled this unusual situation for us. CARDS AND WELL WISHES TO AMANDA Jeannie Butler, a very close friend to Amanda and major supporter of Starfish, is going to China to be with Amanda - she will leave on March 1st. If you would like to send Amanda well-wishes in the form of a card or letter, please send them to Jeannie Butler to be received Jeannie no later than February 27, 2012 to the following address: JEANNIE BUTLER Caring for China's Orphans P.O. Box 210003 Nashville, TN 37221 Thank you for your continued support, Patrick McLaughlin and the Starfish Board 917-494-7691 paddymac0130@gmail.com

A Newsletter Written Just Prior to Amanda's Hospitalization

Norma Xian McLaughlin – Update from the Big Apple

It is hard to wrap my head around the fact that we have had Norma Xi’an (AKA “Xi’Xi) in the United States for 3 whole years already.  We touched down at JFK airport on January 26^th 2009 and what an amazing ride we have been on since then.

Actually, the ride all started on Monday, September 3^rd, 2007 when I walked into Starfish and I met both Amanda and Xi’Xi (then named “Erica”) – two souls that would forever change the trajectory of Pat and my life! Pat and I never planned on having children and for all intensive purposes we were “DINK’s from New York City” – but love is a leveler and it doesn’t care about the plans you have been making.  Both Pat and I fell hopelessly in love with a little baby girl who would become the center of our universe. 

Fast forward and here we are in January, 2012.  Xi’Xi has New York City in the palm of her hand.  I marvel at how easily she melts the most hardened New Yorker’s heart.  It could be on a subway, a street corner, or in a restaurant – people come up and want to know who she is, where she is from—they want to connect with her.   She is open and exudes a joyfulness that is contagious.  In October, we were out to dinner with her at a well-known soul food restaurant in Harlem.  There was a 50^th family birthday party going on in a private room.  The woman throwing the party was smitten with Xi’Xi and asked us to join the party – so there was Xi’Xi- this wobbly cutie China doll in the center of the dance floor shaking her bootie with all the brothers to the 70’s disco song, “Groove Thing.”

Starfish, Amanda, and Xi’Xi have had an epoch-making impact on our lives -- more than any other entity, soul, event, situation,  or “thingie”  Pat or I have experienced in our collective 100 years on the Earth.  The point I want to make in this letter is that there are so many amazing miracles and possibilities that have any opportunity to enrich our lives, if we are open to it.  Rare angels embodied in  “Amanda de Langes” walk this earth waiting for us to see their truth.  We are blessed that at the age of 47 both Pat and I met Amanda and the power of her work took shape in an extraordinary way for us.  Xi’Xi is our guiding light and teaches us every day.  We are humbled and forever grateful for Amanda and the selfless work she does for humanity.

Rock on Amanda ! You are awesome.

Love and gratitude,

Cindy,  Pat, and Xi’Xi

Update from February 10

UPDATE from STARFISH BOARD as of 1pm Friday Feb 10th, 2012,

From Patrick McLaughlin:

My last post was an appeal for recommendations of high level medical administrators that can help us get Amanda the medical care she needs at a US, Canadian or European facility. My sincere thanks to all of you for your amazing networking! The response has been absolutely overwhelming, and we now have a clear idea of our top level options. We will sort through the requirements of each one and made a decision as quickly as possible. Thank you again!

Amanda has been diagnosed with uterine cancer (stage 4/type B). We shared all of the medical records with multiple oncologists and specialists scattered across globe. The physicians concur with the diagnosis and agree in principle with the chemotherapy regimen that commenced on February 8th. Amanda’s physician in Xi’an, Dr. Ma, has been forthright in his communication to the team and is clearly open to hearing the opinions of other qualified physicians. I have personally shared this information with Amanda’s mother and brother as well.

The near term plan (7-14 days out) is all about chemotherapy, analysis of that treatment and pain management. The long-term plan (30/60/90 days) will frankly be driven by both the results of the chemotherapy and Amanda’s direction to us based on those results. As you can appreciate, this is a very fluid and dynamic situation and I am on the phone four times/day with my team in Xi’an gathering information.

We can all take comfort in the fact that Amanda is surrounded by a compassionate cadre of dear friends and Starfish fans that continue to offer her love, friendship and guidance. The support group is literally bedside 24/7 taking full responsibility for feeding, hygiene, clothing changes, etc. The culture of Chinese hospital care requires all of the services be rendered by friends and family.

Regarding the ongoing care of the Starfish babies and the ongoing operation of the foster home, I have asked a fellow board member, Patrick Belnap, to fly to Xi’an to be an official representative of the Starfish Children’s Services Foundation. Patrick is married to a woman from Xi’an, has lived in China for six years and speaks fluent Mandarin and he will arrive in Xi’an on February 15th. Patrick is very well suited to be the “eyes and ears” for Starfish. His role will be broad and responsive as I have asked him to give me unvarnished feedback and advice on Amanda’s health, her care, the foster home, to act as a liaison with the local and provincial authorities

The kids and the nannies are doing well at the foster home considering the circumstances. I get daily confirmation of sufficient supplies of food, formula, diapers, medicine, etc. Rest assured we have a focus on the foster home and will keep you posted on any news.

Thank you to everyone for your service, commitment, and dedication to Amanda and to the babies of Starfish. We continue to request donations be made in Amanda’s behalf, by using the “Donate Now” button in the upper right hand corner of the website www.thestarfishfosterhome.org. Please indicate your donation as a Dedication “in honor of”, and then type in “Amanda”. All the donations will be used to pay for Amanda's care.

As you can imagine, we are all heartbroken over Amanda's illness -- all of us on the Board have a special relationship with her, the foster home, and of course the babies. I want you to know that we are doing everything humanly possible to drive positive outcomes.

Thank you for your support, kindness, and love,

Sincerely,

Patrick McLaughlin, Starfish Board President

Amanda!

Amanda at the hospital

Today the Board of Directors received a photo of Amanda from the hospital.  She has several close friends who are there with her, so she is not alone.  Your thoughts and prayers are being felt all the way to China.  Please continue them as we support Amanda.  One of my sons remarked tonight how Amanda is "one of a kind person."  Another friend noted that she is the type of person many of us simply do not have the energy, passion, self-sacrifice, or discipline to be.  

We continue to work to raise money for Amanda's care and treatment for her cancer.  Please continue to direct friends able to donate to www.thestarfishfosterhome.org to make a donation, use the "In honor of" and put "Amanda medical/flight fund" in the description.

Thank you for your support.  The babies at Starfish are being well cared for by their nannies, and life there is busy as usual.  Just the way Amanda wants it! 

Amanda: Our First Grader

Baby Amanda was one of the original six babies who came with me on September 13, 2005. She originally lived in Iowa with her sister and brother and her family adopted a disrupted adoption SB girl. Here is a letter from Amy:

Things are going good... Mike and I were able to get transfers with Wells Fargo Bank to Charlotte, North Carolina    :O)

 

Amanda is going to be a Southern Bell, can't wait to hear her pick up the accent!

 

We have loved Iowa, but it is just so far from everywhere... Grandparents, DisneyWorld, Beach...

 

Amanda just finished kindergarten and she's about to be the big 1st grader!

I love the fact that the girls plays golf in a tutu. That is some serious fashion sense.

Life, love and laughter,
Amanda

At Starfish, we have taken care of 146 children to date, arranged more than 170 surgeries and had 65 international adoptions, so our little starfishes live all over the globe: the US, Netherlands, Norway, France, Spain, Denmark, Sweden, Finland, Canada, Australia and in China. Our latest adoption, Carl, went to a family in the US.  We currently have 47 babies under the age of 3 and a half at the foster home.  We have 7 babies who are matched and we are waiting for their families to come and get them, so there will be a mass exodus in the summer.

We had two medical teams successfully completed 35 cleft lip and palate surgeries in April and May.  We are so proud of these teams and want to thank them so much for their efforts.  Our grateful thanks to the Xian Children's Hospital for being the venue and for working so well with these teams.

Starfish Children's Services

US Tax Number:  20-4682916
Xian China

Website:  www.thestarfishfosterhome.org
Blog:  http://chinesestarfish.blogspot.com
Blog:  http://chinesestarfishcleft.blogspot.com
Email: throwingstarfish0913@gmail.com
Cell: 86.1348.812.4847

End of Year Letter, 2010

On September 13th, 2010 we celebrated 5 years of Starfish.  I think of it as one of the greatest tutorials of my life. There is no way to fully explain the things I have learned and the adversity I have overcome and the life lessons that are being taught every day. It is an experience like no other I have ever had.  The unbridled joy, the pain personified heartache, the overwhelming gratitude, the intense hard work and unrelenting stress.  For the first time I understood this year why it is so.  I asked my assistant to count the time the babies have been at Starfish and then to add it all up and would you believe it came to 125 YEARS and some months.  So at Starfish every day is like five days other wise.  Now I get why it is so hard to do. You have to be incredibly strong and very focused on your mission.  You have to be flexible and able to adapt really fast and with a minimum amount of complaint.  At the same time to have a very clear vision of where you are going and what needs to be done to get there. You cannot be swayed by any opinions and unsolicited advice. About this aspect I can write books because there are so many people who have something to say, without knowing much of anything that happens at Starfish.  Your decisions need to be swift and right and so I pray for guidance all the time.

Recently, I read about three women and the money that they spent on their unsuccessful political campaigns in the US.  It turned out to be US$217 million.  What an incredible waste! I found out too, that Obama raised US$500 million through microphilantropy, where many people gave small amounts and he spent it all on becoming the president of the US.  When I looked at that amount my heart wept because I thought about the 143 million orphans that are estimated to be in the world and like winning the lottery, I thought of what I would do with that money to help those kids be adopted and to get surgeries.  I thought of the adoption funds that I would create to allow the families a donation to allow them to defray the enormous cost of adopting.  I would have enough money to continue helping like this for years. Reverend Billy Graham once said:  "Show me your check book (credit card etc) and I will show you were your heart is."

I watched the movie Schindler's List many years ago. There were so many lessons from that movie, but one that stayed with me. Oscar Schindler who was by all accounts a womanizer, a gambler, an alcoholic and a member of the Nazi Party, but in those golden years he saved more than 1 200 Jewish people's lives, in giving everything he owned, even his wife's jewelry to help them.  After that time, he was not to be successful again at anything and he faded into oblivion except to the people whom he saved and who never forgot him.  He requested to be buried in Jerusalem because according to him:  My children are there. The lesson to me was, you do not have to perfect to be able to do good deeds.  If we waited for the perfect people to turn up, there would be no-one to do the work.  So for me, in spite of my foibles, I get to save babies lives and in my own way I am writing my Amanda's List with each baby that comes to Starfish and some who do not.  I might sound egotistical but true none the less.

I am so grateful for the chance that I have to be able to help the babies when they are so medically fragile such a critical stage of their lives.  I am so grateful for the love that is poured out on them by the nannies and the volunteers. I love being the keeper of their hearts at such an important time and to teach the what it means to be loved and how they are to love back. 

I am so grateful for all the donations that we receive and for the ability that it gives me to help a child in desperate need.  We have had 124 babies at Starfish and they are all little teachers.  I am so grateful for the lessons they have taught me and for the change they have brought into my life.  I am grateful for the 52 families who have received our children and for offering them something that we could not do for them at Starfish, a family of their very own. There are more families going to have the blessings of having a Starfish baby in the future.  This year we did a phenomenal 28 adoptions.  More than the four previous years combined!

I am also so grateful to the volunteers who come to Starfish from far and wide and around the corner here in Xian, to offer up their time, talents and their love to the babies.   Thank you for your service on behalf of the children.  It really is a team effort which has such excellent results.

I am also so grateful for all the medical help we receive from skilled surgeons and medical staff, who with their training heal so many children.  I cannot express my gratitude enough for what they do. We did 53 surgeries this year. Think of all the lives that have been impacted by that.

It has been the greatest honor of my life to be entrusted with the lives of these children . I love hearing how well the babies are doing and I love writing about what our adventures at Starfish.

My heart and my thoughts also go to the children who never got the chance to know the love of a family, the children who we were not able to heal.  It is hard to accept that not everyone can be helped, in spite of your best efforts. These lessons of life are some of the hardest to learn and come to terms with. May I never forget them.

Thank you for your love and support of Starfish.  We thank you for your generosity and concern for children you might never meet.

Life, love and laughter,
Amanda

At Starfish, we have taken care of 124 children to date, arranged more than 100 surgeries and had 51 international adoptions, so our little starfishes live all over the globe: the US, Netherlands, Norway, France, Spain, Denmark, Sweden, Canada and in China.  Our latest adoptions are to Washington State and New Mexico, Georgia and to Southern California.  We currently have 45 babies under the age of 3 and three foster homes.  Preparing to move to our new "castle" hopefully before the end of the year.

Starfish Children's Services
US Tax Number:  20-4682916
Xian China

www.thestarfishfosterhome.org
http://chinesestarfish.blogspot.com
http://chinesestarfishcleft.blogspot.com
Email: throwingstarfish0913@gmail.com
Cell: 86.1348.812.4847